hack | hak |
noun
an amateur proficient enough to fake it most of the time.
I am a total hack. My life’s M.O. is very simple: slug it out, listen intently, then slug it out some more until I begin to sense it coming together—whatever "it" may be at the moment. I am not uniquely gifted nor am I extraordinarily intelligent. Characteristically, it takes me a lot of time and effort to acquire average ability at anything.
I've given plenty of energy to gleaning the rudiments of the guitar so that I can feign journeyman-ship in certain circles. I've had enough history being "out-of-time" and "out-of-tune" to know when to make the adjustments. And, I have arrived at a place where I can actually pull-off a good performance due to years of failing at it—the way a good hack does.
In the same way, when I sit down to write, I am dependent on my hack sensibilities to help me formulate and convey the spirit of things with clarity and creativity. But it takes struggle and perseverance for me to catch those currents and ride on them rightly. For me the timing, ebb, and flow of writing is a continual road of hacking through trial and error.
Sometimes I grow weary of being such a hack. I’d love it if a few things in life came easy.
But I’m not so sure that life is set up to be a cakewalk—at least that’s been my experience. I’ve spent years attempting to hear the subtle groaning of the Spirit regarding certain issues of life and I still don’t fully get it. So, I am a total hack when it comes to living a spirit-filled life as well.
I believe God is cheering for the hacks, though. I think he knows that hacks have to commit to trying harder than the gifted, the talented, or the privileged and has the grace to reside in the effort. God’s residence in my effort means I can enjoy the presence of the Spirit while I struggle with the flesh.
Why does God cheer for the hacks? I think it’s because he does not intend for us to remain hacks forever. That was his intention all along. There is a time and a purpose that remains hidden for the moment. But one day, time will reveal the purpose—the moment of transformation from the hack into a person full of faith, wisdom, and discernment. It will be a time through which we won’t have to try to fake our way.
