“Come down on a Sunday morning and perform a worship service for our overflow room and we’ll see if we are a good fit.” They suggested.
Some time ago I sent my resume to a church that was looking to bolster their stable of worship leaders for their overflow room. I was excited that they contacted me to “audition” for the job. Thinking that this opportunity could develop into a way out of my tent, I did my best to prepare the worship rightly.
As I drove up to the church on that Sunday I realized that this was a church that had several thousand regular parishioners. The “overflow room” was actually a full size gymnasium that converted to facilitate the several hundred people who couldn’t make it in the doors of the “real” sanctuary.
“You’ll have 14 minutes to fill for the worship portion of the service—no more, and no less.” They instructed.
I had to be certain to stop at just the right moment so that there would be no awkward silence and give enough time for the service director to access the live video feed from the main sanctuary where the pastor would deliver the actual service. As I led worship I was to keep one eye on the director for hand signals instructing me to either lengthen or shorten the song. And as I suspected the hand signals did come, they had extended the main service a few seconds and I was therefore expected to do the same for the overflow. That is until, by a sudden wave from the director’s hand, I was instructed to immediately cut the last verse of the last song. And so the worship of the beloved King of kings, and Lord of lords, ended up being all of 14 minutes 45 seconds—no more, and no less.
That morning the pastor of the mega-church, with great passion and compelling emotion, asked for the congregation to give money to fulfill an extension of “ministry to the community and the world”. The pastor asked the church to give 10 million dollars to the newly proposed plan—adding that God would surely bless and honor their sacrifices if they gave.
As it turned out, the proposed plan was not for a shelter for displaced people, or to kick-start a food bank for less privileged people in the community. The 10 million dollars were needed to build a multi-level parking structure on the church’s property so that parishioners could move comfortably from their cars to the sanctuary for Sunday services. I left that morning content to never hear back from my Christian brothers and sisters at the mega-church regarding the part-time “worship” leader position.
The outcome of those days of discovery was the beginning of a major change in what I believed about the purpose of the church in our western culture. I began to realize that certain “paradigm shifts” or “belief shifts” could only occur in our thinking through drastic changes in how we live.
As creatures of comfort we do not intentionally pursue drastic change in our lifestyle, especially if it leans toward a less comfortable option. We will fight tooth and nail, with the Bible tucked firmly under our arm, against the thought that God would actually bring us to our knees through trials and tribulation for his Kingdom’s sake. God, after all, is a God of success and prosperity, isn’t he?
I think we may have a long way to go yet—but it’s never too late to start.
1/29/11
1/19/11
No Guts, No Glory
I discovered a lot about myself, once I got past the fear of what I might find.
Most of us don’t like finding out we are not the person we thought we were. This hitch, more than anything else, is what holds me back from going down the roads toward enjoying greater spiritual freedom. I’m not comfortable thinking that I might be petty, jealous, selfish, or a dozen other things I reserve for others. I suspect though, that most of us are exactly what we are convinced we are not.
There’s an old adage that says: “You are what you eat”. I would like to add another version that might be even more accurate: “You are what you hesitate to reveal about yourself”.
The irony here is that none of us will ever find wholeness until we come face to face with ourselves and allow the truth to bring healing. Be forewarned though, it’ll take some guts.
Most of us don’t like finding out we are not the person we thought we were. This hitch, more than anything else, is what holds me back from going down the roads toward enjoying greater spiritual freedom. I’m not comfortable thinking that I might be petty, jealous, selfish, or a dozen other things I reserve for others. I suspect though, that most of us are exactly what we are convinced we are not.
There’s an old adage that says: “You are what you eat”. I would like to add another version that might be even more accurate: “You are what you hesitate to reveal about yourself”.
The irony here is that none of us will ever find wholeness until we come face to face with ourselves and allow the truth to bring healing. Be forewarned though, it’ll take some guts.
1/1/11
Looking Ahead to Next Year
I suppose that I have done what many do around this time of the year—search the heavens for some insight to the past year and look ahead for a hint of the future. At this stage, it seems as if the years run headlong into the next without so much as a blip on the radar screen of God’s plan. But things are not as dire today as they seemed yesterday, and no one really knows what tomorrow brings.
Today I continue to be baffled over the purpose of these long, difficult years. Sometimes I think I have a slight inkling of God’s intentions, but that only serves to send me free falling back into attempting to construct my life on my own terms. I think he can do a far better job of designing a life than I ever could—so I will try to let him do that.
In all sincerity, what I truly desire from this tent life is that it produces something golden within me. I would rather pass away into eternity today than have these tent days account for nothing more than a few years of wasted time. My hope is that this struggle somehow culminates into something valuable in the kingdom of God for some greater good.
As much as I would love to be set free from the tent expeditiously this year, I do not seek to merely “get through” this period of my life and then casually move on to the “next thing”. These tent years have cost me far too much to turn the page on them nonchalantly. I must take with me something precious from these years of excavation.
So, when I finally get to look back at this time as a tent dweller I want to be able to say with strong conviction that this was the occasion—this was the moment in history that God took a hold of me, mercifully threw me into the fiery furnace of his faithful love, and changed me for all time. I want to be able to say that this was the time that created in me the things I needed for the rest of my task on earth and that, because of it, my life actually made a difference to another soul.
Happy New Year!
Today I continue to be baffled over the purpose of these long, difficult years. Sometimes I think I have a slight inkling of God’s intentions, but that only serves to send me free falling back into attempting to construct my life on my own terms. I think he can do a far better job of designing a life than I ever could—so I will try to let him do that.
In all sincerity, what I truly desire from this tent life is that it produces something golden within me. I would rather pass away into eternity today than have these tent days account for nothing more than a few years of wasted time. My hope is that this struggle somehow culminates into something valuable in the kingdom of God for some greater good.
As much as I would love to be set free from the tent expeditiously this year, I do not seek to merely “get through” this period of my life and then casually move on to the “next thing”. These tent years have cost me far too much to turn the page on them nonchalantly. I must take with me something precious from these years of excavation.
So, when I finally get to look back at this time as a tent dweller I want to be able to say with strong conviction that this was the occasion—this was the moment in history that God took a hold of me, mercifully threw me into the fiery furnace of his faithful love, and changed me for all time. I want to be able to say that this was the time that created in me the things I needed for the rest of my task on earth and that, because of it, my life actually made a difference to another soul.
Happy New Year!
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