Sorry, All Our Representatives Are Busy With Other Customers?

Some time ago I “girded up my loins” and I set out to cancel my cell phone service contract. Have you ever tried to walk out of a cell phone contract mid-stream? It is nearly impossible to get someone on the other end of the line that knows how, or that admits to being able, to accomplish your request. I tend to think that the system is purposefully designed to discourage you from following through with your plan to cancel.

I want to be very honest and admit to the numerous times when I have felt so frustrated with the Lord regarding this tent life that I entice myself with thoughts of quitting the contract and walking away from him altogether. Sometimes I think he’s a lot like that cell phone representative who knows more than what he’s letting on. God probably knows of a sure-fire way out of my circumstance, but right now he sure isn’t letting me in on it. At times it seems to make much more sense to quit following than it does to keep following ignorant and blind. But then, isn’t that the very definition of faith?

Keep in mind; I have never been a casual “sideline” Christian. You might say I have always been in the thick of it. I have been in a place of leadership for the past 38 years, and I know all the ins-and-outs of the whole shebang—pastoral staff positions included. I know what the Book says about life as a believer and I spent years teaching others about what the Book says. Yet, I still can find myself smack-dab-in-the-middle of fantasizing about an alternate life that does not entail the hardships of walking in faith. Believe me, I’ve thought it through thoroughly.

I lose track of what I want God to be sometimes. Do I want him to continue being in control and in charge, or do I want him to conveniently rescue me from my overwhelming trouble? If I choose the former, then I must be willing to forgo my well-formed perceptions of who he is. No matter what anyone tells you, or what you might see happening on any given Sunday morning at church, God cannot and will not be put into a box. If it were not so, then he would not be God.

Sometimes I find myself staring straight into the face of a dichotomy. This tent life certainly cannot be what was intended to happen—or was it? Maybe my many years of “obedience” to the Lord do not hold the weight that I once thought they did. And so, my circular reasoning has kept me stuck in whirlpool mode for the past six years. I often wonder how Joseph passed the time in Pharaoh’s dungeon. Did he nearly go mad? In the end his years of trying to reason it out came to nothing but an acceptance that God will do whatever he deems best, even if we vehemently disagree with all of it.

But the most often overlooked facet of a rant such as this is: Nothing is as incredible as God’s ability to handle our gripes and our threats to abandon ship. He is not as phased by my tirades as I think he is—but not because of insensitivity or disinterest. You see; he paid a steep price to get a hold of me. He’s certainly not going to forfeit just because I am really good at griping.

I think it is more difficult to forsake our faith than we could ever imagine. God holds on pretty tight to those he gave so much to get.